Mindfulness: The Future of Therapy

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Did you practice mindfulness today? Mindfulness is a technique therapists use to promote the practice of good mental and physical health. Mindfulness practice has been said to allow people to be in greater control of their thoughts and actions, rather than being controlled by them.

Mindfulness was first explored in Buddhism and has been spread across Western rituals. It is a process in which we are aware of our present moment experiences. In addition to being aware, it is the ability to maintain openness and acceptance of our thoughts, sensations, bodily states and environment.

Mindless states and mind-wandering has been proven to be maladaptive! Instead, keeping our minds focussed on the present moment is associated with higher psychological well-being (2010, Kilingsworth & Gilbert).

Can anyone practice mindfulness? … YES! However, it is a skill that truly must be practiced till mastered. I am still learning and trying to get the hang of it.

Lets explore 4 things we can do to be a bit more mindful each day.

1. Set an Intention

The most simple step to start is by creating the intention in your mind that you are going to be more mindful. You are making a commitment, so now stick to it! By creating this intention, you are more likely to be aware of your mind wandering and recognize that you should shift your awareness to the present moment.

2. Recognize shifts in awareness

Recognize when your awareness is shifting and your mind is beginning to wander. Correct yourself when your thoughts are beginning to spiral to think about anything but the present.

Many of us tend to think of the past or the future. However, studies show that thoughts that wander away from the present are maladaptive. It can be important to plan for the future, but maybe we don’t need to make “big picture” plans. Look for what we can control and work on presently, this will set ourselves up for the future success we desire.

Therefore, we must learn to recognize when our thoughts begin to shift and quickly learn to shift back and be mindful.

3. Listen to others attentively

How often do you find that when someone else is speaking you are already thinking of what you want to say next? How does that make you an active listener? … It doesn’t!

Listen closely when others speak, this will allow you to pay closer attention as you will truly be taking in what the speaker is saying. Just by listening more closely you will connect better to what is being said and will eventually become more aware of the responses you decide to form. Ultimately this will improve your bond with that person and your communication skills. Listening closely is an important skill for one to stay mindful.

4. Focus on your breath

Breathing is something we naturally do every second of every day without having to think about! When your present mindedness is lost, you may simply refocus by counting your breaths. Focusing on your breath can significantly improve your mind and body connection!

If distracting thoughts arise due to mindless thoughts, try counting your breaths as you inhale and exhale slowly.

Although these are just a few ways of keeping mindful, I do plan to return to this topic again. Let me know in the comments what you do to practice mindfulness and focus on the present!

References:

Hoffman G.S., & Gomez F.A. (2017). Mindfulness-based interventions for anxiety and depression. 10.1016/j.psc.2017.08.008

Killingsworth MA & Gilbert DT., (2010). A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science. 330(6006):932. doi: 10.1126/science.1192439.

Is Ignorance Truly Bliss?

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Sometimes ignorance can be bliss, but sometimes it isn’t. In certain scenarios it can be very beneficial to be aware of an important piece of information. However, in others, you may benefit from the blissfulness of not knowing and enjoying the moment.

So then why do we equate ignorance to being blissful? Think about your childhood for a moment. Childhood holds a sort of blissfulness to it. Children are unaware of the burdens and responsibilities that adults hold. Parents hide the obstacles that come along, and therefore, children can go on with their daily life peacefully. Time is a difficult and strange construct for children; as quickly as obstacles come, they go, and they are back to enjoying their blissfulness.

Although these blissful moments are there during our early lives; the truth is, not all children are fortunate enough to always have that experience. Some children grow up in homes where parents are unable to hide their challenges from their children. This can create a sense of anxiety and fear. The bliss quickly turns in to terror as the child is constantly stressed out for the responsibilities that their parents hold. The more knowledge, awareness and understanding children hold about the world around them, the less bliss there seems to be.

Does obtaining awareness and knowledge about life too early take away from the childhood bliss? I would argue yes, that it does. However, I do believe that knowledge is power, and that the child that has some knowledge of stressful situations can grow up making better decisions than the child who grew up in ignorance. When faced with future adversity, the child who grew up in ignorance may not know how to handle it, whereas the child who obtained greater awareness and knowledge would be better prepared.

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For those of us who did grow up ignorantly blissful, I find now that as adults we dream of returning to that state of bliss. To that freedom of thought and mind. Where responsibilities are taken care of and don’t pile up. When I am surrounded by children today, I find it easy to reminisce on the past blissfulness of being a child. I think of ways that I can once again experience that calm and blissful ignorance. Where the most difficult decision I have is about what movie I am going to watch.

Will we ever return to that same ignorant bliss?

We probably won’t be able to return to that exact bliss. The bliss of running in the streets with our friends and playing as though we have no responsibilities in the world; but that’s okay. With the knowledge and awareness we have, we are equipped to make better decisions and face life’s challenges head on.

After writing this article, I almost don’t feel that ignorance is bliss anymore. The child that is well-equipped and exposed to adversity will overcome future adversity and achieve bliss much quicker than the child who lives ignorantly.

So maybe ignorance isn’t bliss after all?

Let me know what you think down below in the poll and in the comments section! I’m interested to read whether you think ignorance is bliss or not.

The Fear of Trying Something New

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Are you a little too comfortable with your current life? Maybe you’ve lost motivation. It’s probably time for you to try something new, maybe something a little different that you usually wouldn’t.

It’s easy to lose motivation and feel comfortable amidst the monotony of daily life. I don’t imagine that waking up every day and doing the same thing over and over is good for anyone. A daily routine puts us in a sort of automation and causes us to lack stimulation.

Feeling extreme comfort within one’s daily life can lead to a loss of interest and happiness. Much like when people get too comfortable in relationships. The initial excitement disappears and more effort is needed to keep the spark alive… This happens in your personal life too!

It can be scary to try something new but it can empower you to experience further growth for yourself. I say this from honest and personal experience. Starting this blog has allowed me to experience greater personal happiness and sense of achievement. I feel excited for every post and no matter the number of readers, I am motivated to continue writing!

How can trying something new change my life?

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Trying new things allows us to create further purpose for ourselves which adds to the meaning of who we are. When we try something that we are usually afraid to, it allows us to step outside of our comfort zone. This will lead to learning new skills and finally breaking the daily monotony. As a result, we will feel emotionally and intellectually more stimulated.

Maintaining a habit of trying new things allows us to be open to different experiences. Pursuing a new hobby or skill will allow you to feel inspired. So don’t be scared! This journey will result in a healthier, happier, empowered and more creative version of you.

The next time someone asks you “What’s new?” be prepared to have an exciting response as hopefully by then you would’ve tried something outside of your comfort zone!

Living for Yourself

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When was the last time you made a decision by yourself and for yourself? I can answer that honestly and say that I really can’t remember the last time I was able to fully do that. It’s been extremely difficult for me to live just for myself as I am constantly haunted by the thoughts of my decisions impacting others. Some would say that is selfless and it is empathetic to consider others when living out one’s own life.

But I say by doing that I am no longer living for myself. Instead, I am cautiously making decisions to please others and am sacrificing my own being.

A common example is of the student who graduates from high-school and is then pressured by their parents to obtain further education in a degree that they have no interest in. How can this student be successful in completing a degree in something they didn’t choose?

The reality is that we cannot please everyone and if we are going to spend time trying to please someone it should be ourselves. It’s easy to get lost in the shadows of others and seek acceptance when making decisions. This is an essential psychological need as outlined by Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (belongingness and love needs).

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Photo from Pinterest

Abraham Maslow, a famous American Psychologist said that humans cannot reach self-actualization (achieve one’s potential) unless all their basic needs as outlined above are met. So basically, humans naturally seek acceptance and belongingness in order to advance to feelings of prestige and accomplishment to eventually reach self-actualization.

How Can I Start Living for Myself?

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It’s about time you asked!

Who am I?

  • First, you must figure out who you are and what you want. This tends to be the most difficult step.
  • Do you want to be an artist, a musician, an athlete, an engineer? Do you want to graduate university, write a book, run a marathon?
  • Or, maybe you just want to start taking more time to yourself and not feel guilty for doing so.

Self-Care

  • Taking care of yourself is the absolute best thing you can do!
  • Fulfilling your own needs in order to satisfy your happiness can be the most difficult step to take but I assure you that it’s worth it.

Planning

  • Next, you must brainstorm the steps needed to pursue your goals without worrying how it will impact those around you.
  • Remove and detatch yourself from others.
  • Focus on your own goals that are separate from others and how you can achieve them without seeking their approval.
  • What kind of standards must you set so that you can look back and think that you lived a life with few/no regrets.

Accept Change

  • Accept the change that comes with this new journey you are embarking on.
  • Since you will now be focusing mainly on yourself focus on adapting to a new mindset.

Be You!

  • Be yourself! Choose what it is that you want to do and make sure you are doing it for yourself.
  • If you feel the need to seek acceptance or approval then you’re probably doing it wrong and need to start over.

By following this process your happiness will flourish two-fold and you will begin to live for yourself. Although this post is about living for yourself, you will see that once you do, those who love you will be happy for you and their approval (although not necessary) will come naturally, as your success becomes the success of your family and closest friends too.

Be proud of the life you are living and begin to live for yourself & not others! Happy Friday!

Comment down below any thoughts or feedback! Make sure to share this post with your friends and family.

My Anxiety is Dictating my Life

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Are you living in fear? Do you *flop on plans with your friends because you feel so anxious to go? This one is a classic… you agree to plans that were made days in advance, but hours before, your anxiety feels debilitating, you begin to catastrophize and you cancel. Then instead of trying to enjoy your time alone after cancelling, you think about how lonely and isolated you feel. You then blame yourself, end up wishing you had gone and feel worse having cancelled.

Another common scenario is right before a shift at work. You feel anxious to go to work, anxious to see your managers and coworkers. You begin to ruminate on scenarios that have happened at work in the past. So hours before your shift you decide that it’s best to call in “sick”. Then instead of having a productive day after calling in “sick”, you reflect on your unprofessionalism and end up feeling worse than how you would have felt if you had gone in.

These anxious thoughts are dictating our behaviours to the point where we can’t do simple tasks that we might need to do. Doing groceries gets put off because you’re scared that people are watching what you buy, going to school is daunting because you’re afraid of what others think of you or you’re stuck thinking of a situation that happened in school years ago, you fear taking exams because you believe you will fail. The list of situational examples can go on and on.

Self blame, ruminating and catastrophizing have been shown to be positively associated with symptoms of anxiety.

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3 Reasons My Anxiety is Dictating My Behaviours:

1. Self Blame:

Self blame is when we put the blame of things we have experienced on ourselves. Suddenly we are personally responsible for everything that happens around us.

2. Ruminating:

Ruminating is when we are continuously consumed with the same thought over and over. Ruminating is usually associated with reliving negative and unpleasant moments through a series of thoughts. This can cause people to relive emotions and feelings previously experienced. Additionally, this can cause deep feelings of guilt, shame, regret and can lead to more severe consequences such as chronic depression or anxiety.

3. Catastrophizing:

Catastrophizing is when we believe that all situations have negative outcomes. This results in emphasizing the terror in the outcomes we believe to be possible. We believe that the worst will happen to us no matter what the situation.

How To manage Anxiety IN 3 Steps:

1. Awareness/Acceptance:

Becoming aware of our negative thoughts is really the first step towards finding peace. Being able to pause and realize “my thoughts are really spiralling out of control right now” is a skill that seems so easy but is actually very tough. By accepting negative thoughts that are related to negative events we can reassign ourselves to what has happened instead.

Instead of ruminating about what has happened and catastrophizing about what will happen, we can accept situations that we have dealt with and begin to move on to the next step.

2. Refocus on Planning

A refocus on planning can allow us to take a step back and refocus on the steps we need to take to plan and take action of how we are going to deal with negative events. How am I going to direct my thoughts towards a better direction? How am I going to go grocery shopping comfortably and not catastrophize about what is going to happen? How will I take an exam and not catastrophize over what my results will be?

An example of this can be that you will create a grocery list before you go out so that you can map out your path and know exactly how long you will be there for. This allows you to be actively working towards relieving catastrophic thoughts about spending too much time in the grocery store.

Additionally, studying for an exam weeks in advance, feeling prepared and trying your best should diminish catastrophic thoughts, as you are taking action towards obtaining a positive outcome and your thoughts are refocused on studying.

3. Positive Reappraisal

Practicing positive reappraisal allows us to create positive associations and meanings with negative events. This can allow for self-growth and realizations in the darkest of thoughts.

For example, when dealing with a break-up (romantically or with a friend), concentrate on how you can refocus your negative thoughts towards growth that was experienced as a result of that relationship or that you will experience as a result of accepting the end of the relationship. Through acceptance, planning and positive reappraisal, negative or difficult events can always result in positive associations and moments of growth.

So don’t flop on plans with friends because you’re catastrophizing about what might happen if you do go, or because you’re ruminating on a previous negative experience. Don’t let your anxiety dictate your life!

*Flop = A slang word for when someone bails on plans at the last minute.

Have you ever found yourself to be catastrophizing, ruminating or placing blame on yourself? Comment down below if you can relate to these symptoms of anxiety! Also please comment some additional ways that helps you to improve your mental state in times of anxiety.

APA Citation:

Legerstee, J. S., Garnefski, N., Verhulst, F. C., & Utens, E. M. W. J. (2011). Cognitive coping in anxiety-disordered adolescents. Journal of Adolescence34(2), 319–326. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2010.04.008